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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30070587">Fear and Addiction</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladyhawk_lhflu/pseuds/Ladyhawk_lhflu'>Ladyhawk_lhflu</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Bijou [8]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stargate - All Media Types, Stargate Atlantis</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>BDSM, Dom/sub, Established Relationship, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 18:42:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,252</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30070587</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladyhawk_lhflu/pseuds/Ladyhawk_lhflu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Will Rodney know when he's gone too far?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rodney McKay/John Sheppard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Bijou [8]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/758094</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Fear and Addiction</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thank you, Bijou.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rodney McKay couldn't sleep.</p><p>He really should have been able to. Intense sex tended to exhaust him afterwards. But he couldn't rest. His mind wouldn't allow it, because of what had just happened.</p><p>The events of the last two hours both thrilled him and terrified him.</p><p>Rodney stroked through his husband's soft spiky hair as he considered the possibility that he was more dangerous than he realized. Because he now knew how seductive it was to lose control.</p><p>Oh, he had done it before, a couple of times when John slid into that space in his head. He had learned about sub space early on. That dazed, blissed out, and oh-so-pliant state that submissives could achieve. It was almost like a drug high to them.</p><p>Nobody had deemed to inform him that dominants had their own space to fall into.</p><p>The first time it happened, it scared the hell out of Rodney.</p><p>He was a control freak when he could be, everyone knew that. But the heady feeling that came with controlling John had almost felt like too much, even to him.</p><p>Because if he had gotten an idea that was too violent or too painful for John...well, he would have went through with it. He had been the one with the power. Luckily, he had been too obsessed with the sex, too obsessed with the pleasure of letting go and just pounding into John, that the worst result was a few strained muscles.</p><p>Well, that and the residual fear that he was on the cusp of becoming a monster.</p><p>So Rodney had gone back to terrorizing Atlantis' science department and forgot about taking too much control of the one he loved. He pulled back, acted like the responsible dominant. Because John didn't need to be threatened for them to have fun.</p><p>Life went on. So did the love. Even their dynamic continued, and strengthened for awhile. Years passed. They committed, got married. They settled in, as much as anyone could when they were often encountering the unusual and the dangerous.</p><p>It might have been taking Atlantis to Earth that forced the more alternate parts of their relationship into the background. It definitely caused them both a great deal of stress. They still lived together, they still loved each other. Neither thought of divorce, not even after they went back to the Pegasus galaxy. But their dynamic faded and the sex became, well just sex. It wasn't bad. But it wasn't scarily good either.</p><p>Rodney did think of what they had earlier, and wished for it to come back at times. The dominant side that John had awakened didn't really like the 'normal' relationship they had eased into. He did suggest a few things to John, but his husband brushed them off. The Pegasus galaxy had enough danger. A bit of normality when they came home to Atlantis was a welcome idea.</p><p>Rodney had looked at the fatigue in John's eyes and sighed. The arguments died on his lips. John's well-being was much more important than thrills. So he kept silent on his wants. He could live without them.</p><p>Until the day he found John kneeling in front of his chair, naked. Until they had talked through the complacency that had surrounded them. Until they looked into each other's eyes and found a piece of what they thought was gone.</p><p>So Rodney tried to pick up where they had left off a few years ago. And John responded. He bowed his head, he laid himself out for the whip. He said that he had been wrong to push their dynamic away. He had needed Rodney to help drive the stress away, but he hadn't realized it.</p><p>That night had been like coming home or even a renewal. Vows once again exchanged. But as they proceeded through orders, submission, and a little bit of pain, Rodney could tell something had changed. Their responses to each other were easier, smoother. As if any reason to hesitate had been taken away by some powerful force--Rodney's wild musings told him now. John had slipped into his space without effort, which pulled Rodney into his. He didn't even try to grasp for control. He just pounded into John as if he actually had owned him.</p><p>The ease of it all had scared him a little. But he hadn't had time to ponder it when alerts had gone off in the city and they were rushing around to defend themselves yet again.</p><p>But here they were, two days later. He had slipped into that space yet again. This time he was truly disturbed. He had pinned John down and took him even before John had been fully participating. Feeling John bend to his will immediately, without question, had driven him into a possessive frenzy. </p><p>When it was over, John had bruises all over him. He had looked...used. But surprisingly, he had curled right into Rodney and had fallen asleep.</p><p>But Rodney couldn't sleep. He was too worried for that. He was too afraid of doing something stupid.</p><p>"Am I going to have to do that all over again to get you to rest?" John murmured into Rodney's chest, interrupting the seemingly endless stream of thoughts.</p><p>"What?!" Rodney exclaimed, startled by his husband's calm, matter-of-fact tone.</p><p>"What are you so preoccupied with?" John sat up so he could see the scientist better. He frowned as he realized Rodney looked truly troubled. "I thought Zelenka was handling the lab today."</p><p>"He is." Rodney sighed. "Maybe I should have kept my headset on too. It might have kept you from being one big bruise."</p><p>"What are you talking about?" John looked down at himself with a puzzled expression.</p><p>"I lost control again. This time I did it too quickly. I didn't check that you were ready."</p><p>John cuffed Rodney on the side of his head, almost casually. "For a genius, you're an idiot." He smiled and shook his head.</p><p>"I messed something up, didn't I?"</p><p>John snorted. "Only that big brain of yours. Getting you to lose enough control to relax is harder than trying to outrun Ronon. Didn't it occur to you that I wanted you to lose it?"</p><p>Rodney just stared at John for a moment. Then a whispered "oh" came out of his mouth.</p><p>Having made his point, John laid back down. "I don't stop being able to pin you to the floor when I submit, Maitre. I just choose not to do so. If you truly forget to care for me, I will have you on the floor before you can blink. But I doubt I'll ever need to. The other day I said 'ouch' when I hit my toe on the cabinet and you snapped right out of it. I was more careful this time. You needed the release."</p><p>Rodney looked down at John in amazement. "I thought I was taking care of you."</p><p>"We're married, Rodney. It works both ways, or not at all. I learned that the first time around." John leaned up to kiss the other man. "Get some sleep. We have to scout the city in the morning. Zelenka said the water systems were giving him odd numbers."</p><p>Rodney sighed. "I may need to relax after that. Most often the water systems need two or three days to fix."</p><p>"I'll make sure you get what you need." John laid his hand over Rodney's heart. "It'll be good for both of us."</p><p>This time, Rodney had no trouble falling asleep.</p>
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